This has been a rough week. Thumper - the 1/2 rabbit in our "2 dog, 1 cat, 1bird, 1 lizard, 1 1/2 rabbit" home - died this week. The Darling girl had found her in a park, somehow managed to catch her and bring her home. the answer was of course "NO!" Then the neighbors stepped in. Their daughter would take care of it - it would just live in the cage with our rabbit (Kandy Kane). Being the farm girl that I am, I was able to determine that we did, indeed, have two female rabbits, so I relented. After a week of quarantine, Thumper was introduced to Kandy Kane, and they became bosom buddies. And the girls did well, splitting the time for feeding and watering, covering for each other when one forgot, etc. Everyone was content.
Then the bunnies got loose.
It happens, sometime it take a day or two to catch Kandy, but she is very sweet and loves us, and is only a little skittish. Thumper? mass herding efforts with the neighborhood, help from guest, alerts from random strangers. all to no avail. Wily little thing. We would converge upon her, obviously trapped in a corner between the house and a fence, no chance of failure. But she could sense the weakest link, and bolt directly toward the person most likely to freak out rather than grab her.
All of that was two years ago. She has been living under our house ever since. Once she became comfortable with the fact that we were not going to catch her, she grew quite friendly, even letting us pet her when we brought her food and water. The best thing was the odd, progressive relationship she had with the cat. At first, Ashe was curious, and maybe a little annoyed. Then we would find the two engaged in parallel play like toddlers, playing their own version of the same game, watching each other stealthily. They would take naps in the yard, 3-4 feet away from one another, contentedly sleeping under the same tree. I came home one day to find Ashe under a neighbor's bench, crouched low, tail twitching. My heart sank when I realized the object of prey was Thumper. Ashe ran out, jumped on Thumper's back, they both jumped in the air, and ran off in different directions. Thumper double backed and chased Ashe under the bench. Ashe resumed "stalking" pose. Thumper went back to casually ignoring him. Apparently this game was repeated over and over until one or both got tired.
Last weekend the Darling Man came in to tell me something was wrong with Thumper, she made no attempts to get away when she was approached. I picked her up and she sort of sunk into my hands. She had a small puncture wound (Cat? Raccoon?) at the base of her ear. Hot, swollen, painful. Ear drooping, eye closed, unable to really hold her head up. Obviously infected. Rabbit skulls are thin and fragile, it is possible that the wound pierced the skull, and the brain was also infected. She seemed to really appreciate the warm compress, lying her head in my hand, and searching for it when I pulled away. We did get some water down her, and I think she was resting comfortably. She did not make it through the night.
The upside of all of this is that no one expected her to last a week outside on her own. She loved being outdoors, and found a happy, reasonably safe place to live. How many other rabbits live in a cat protected yard? My best guess is that she got out of Ashe's circle of influence and was attacked by another cat. Ashe would not actively defend the rabbit, but he does not allow other cats in his yard.
The other horrible sad thing in our house is Pebbles. She has been having a very hard time getting up and down, has not walked with us in over a week. We really thought she had thrown her back out or it was arthritis, but she did not seem to really be in pain, was eating very well, and was happy. Her vet was on vacation for a week, and we kept thinking "oh, she's a getting little better." But she's not. She has a large mass in her abdomen. We now have to look into the crystal ball and decide if surgery will fix her and give her a few more years of comfy, happy dog life (a 50% chance) or if we are willing to let them open her up, and put her down if the cancer is inoperable or spreading. I don't think I could bear the thought of her dying in an operating room without us. Looking at the x-ray, I think the vet was being optimistic at 50% chance. Have not heard back from the surgeon yet. In the mean time, she can still get up to go potty (with a lot of encouragement), is eating like a horse (because she is feeding a massive tumor) and seems very content to have all of us lie next to her and pet her like she does for us when we don't feel well.
So, we wait. Hopefully we will get a consult with the surgeon next week, and she will not decline in the mean time.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Good Mom/Bad Mom
They say hindsight is 20/20. In order to clearly see your past, you have to actively look at it. Deconstruction of your past actions can be a process of true growth, or it can be the worst form of self-indulgent narcissism. I'm constantly looking back. "Damn, I could have done that better." or "That is something I'll be fixing in the future." or, "Crap, who's in charge of damage control?" Sometimes I give myself premature (or timely), undeserved (or honestly earned), pats on the back. Right now I am swinging on my back porch, beer in hand watching the fire reduce itself to embers - all because the Girl child and company want to roast hot dogs and make s'mores. I am at a good spot in life when drinking beer alone in front of a fire makes me feel like a Good Mom.
I had a couple of "bad Mommy" moments earlier this week. The Darling Girl has inherited the unfortunate habit of self-analysis, I'm not always the best sounding board. Sometimes she is looking for an honest opinion about action or behaviour, and sometimes she wants to know that she is loved unconditionally, that she should never change. She is a teen ager. Sometimes I forget that. Even when I remember, it does not mean I will understand the things any better. Conversations are not the equal give and take of active minds that they once were. They are not the sharing of advice to enrich her future. They are freakin' psychological mine fields, and I do not have a map. I usually know that I went the wrong way when she clams up and gets a little teary. She invented "I'm fine." My go to attitude is more: "what-ev-er." These are not compatible phrase patterns. There are often hurt feelings and shocked confusion hanging about the room, left over after the most seemingly mundane conversations.
I try to remember how my parents coped. Then I remember. They drank. A lot. I'm pretty sure that is not an option for me. This beer is pretty darn good, though - it is something to ponder.
I had a couple of "bad Mommy" moments earlier this week. The Darling Girl has inherited the unfortunate habit of self-analysis, I'm not always the best sounding board. Sometimes she is looking for an honest opinion about action or behaviour, and sometimes she wants to know that she is loved unconditionally, that she should never change. She is a teen ager. Sometimes I forget that. Even when I remember, it does not mean I will understand the things any better. Conversations are not the equal give and take of active minds that they once were. They are not the sharing of advice to enrich her future. They are freakin' psychological mine fields, and I do not have a map. I usually know that I went the wrong way when she clams up and gets a little teary. She invented "I'm fine." My go to attitude is more: "what-ev-er." These are not compatible phrase patterns. There are often hurt feelings and shocked confusion hanging about the room, left over after the most seemingly mundane conversations.
I try to remember how my parents coped. Then I remember. They drank. A lot. I'm pretty sure that is not an option for me. This beer is pretty darn good, though - it is something to ponder.
Monday, October 10, 2011
New Horizons
When we were children, clouds became animals.
Now that we are adults, the vast, blue sky is a metaphor for the infinite, upward potential of the human spirit.
- Laura Teresa Marquez
I often say that I am a mediocre (at best) home health therapist.
This is true. I love my work, enjoy my patients, I put every bit of education, compassion and caring that I have at my disposal into each treatment. I feel that this is the kind of care that should always be demanded of your professionals - it is not a standard of care, it is minimal care. I have zero desire to elevate my knowledge base - this is what sets apart the average, run of the mill therapist that has a good job, and a passionate professional, a "top-tier" therapist.
And then I run off and spend 9 days away from my family learning an in depth specialized area of care that allows me to help a whole underserved population of people, increases my level of expertise, and my knowledge base, and makes me a more marketable professional.
Damn! I was so content going through each day spinning my wheels, acting like a new-grad. But I love this - and I feel like it will be hugely valuable to my patients, enhance the efficiency of our wound care (like an assist for the nurses), and it is a hands-on type of care that does not kill my old arthritic hands. So now it is rushing around trying to set up a program. I am inservicing the nurses, trying to figure out suppliers, setting appointments to work with marketing people to let the Docs know we have a program, networking with people all over, and realizing that I may have found a home in home-health. I may actually get good at this. I may still be a mediocre home-health therapist, but I plan to be a kick-ass Certified Lymphedema Therapist.
And yeah - I am very tired! going to be a long week.
Now that we are adults, the vast, blue sky is a metaphor for the infinite, upward potential of the human spirit.
- Laura Teresa Marquez
I often say that I am a mediocre (at best) home health therapist.
This is true. I love my work, enjoy my patients, I put every bit of education, compassion and caring that I have at my disposal into each treatment. I feel that this is the kind of care that should always be demanded of your professionals - it is not a standard of care, it is minimal care. I have zero desire to elevate my knowledge base - this is what sets apart the average, run of the mill therapist that has a good job, and a passionate professional, a "top-tier" therapist.
And then I run off and spend 9 days away from my family learning an in depth specialized area of care that allows me to help a whole underserved population of people, increases my level of expertise, and my knowledge base, and makes me a more marketable professional.
Damn! I was so content going through each day spinning my wheels, acting like a new-grad. But I love this - and I feel like it will be hugely valuable to my patients, enhance the efficiency of our wound care (like an assist for the nurses), and it is a hands-on type of care that does not kill my old arthritic hands. So now it is rushing around trying to set up a program. I am inservicing the nurses, trying to figure out suppliers, setting appointments to work with marketing people to let the Docs know we have a program, networking with people all over, and realizing that I may have found a home in home-health. I may actually get good at this. I may still be a mediocre home-health therapist, but I plan to be a kick-ass Certified Lymphedema Therapist.
And yeah - I am very tired! going to be a long week.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Learning/Wishing
I love that we are doing this, and am especially happy that the darling girl gets to have really cool experiences growing up. I do spoil my child. If it is in my power to let her do or try anything, as long as she learns and follows safety precautions, is willing to put the time in to do something safely and conscientiously, I will try to make it happen. Not a big fan of buying her things. Every electronic gadget she owns (which is a bunch) she either bought herself or was a gift from not-the-mommy.
Someone asked me the other day what I wished for my daughter. The knee-jerk reaction was what my Mom always said: "I wish that she grows up happy." But I really don't. Wishing is something you do when there is an element of chance in the outcome. The smaller the odds the more fervent the wish. I wish that she has a great job, that she enjoys and pays her a comfortable income (small wish - she has the skills, internal drive and practical nature that makes this nearly a given). I wish that I get at least one grand-child out of the deal (bigger wish - who knows what path she'll take, she likes kids, but has such big dreams and ambitions, and just because maternal bliss is my path doesn't make it hers). I want a million things for my daughter, but mostly I want her to make decisions that will build her character and keep her always engaged in her life.
Happiness? This is the one thing in our world that we have complete control over. I can't wish happiness for her, because nothing in the world: money, relationships, career, experience, family, candy, toys, world peace, global domination, NOTHING can make you happy. Happy is a choice. I fervently wish that my daughter understands this and makes this choice, but I have no control over this. The universe at large, whom I generally expect to deliver my wishes, has no jurisdiction over this. Only the Darling Daughter can make herself happy. All I can do is try to show her what happy looks like. And I am happy, very, very happy. :-)
Saturday, September 17, 2011
OW
As in Open Water. As in Open Water Diver. Which on one level, may qualify as an ow! Very excited. fairly nervous. a little scared. Now we have to actually do it. Our first dive is lined up for next weekend, in the gulf, off a boat, in 50-60 ft of water. We are going on the dive charter run by the shop that we took lessons with, so there is the comfort level of familiarity - sort of - the boat is being run by the Clearwater store, and we really only know the Tampa people. The captain seems ultra friendly and "newbie sensitive."
It's all good, and it will be fun. If my ears don't completely freak out on me, and Riki's sinus' don't stop her at 15 ft.
The child is absolutely determined to muscle ahead with her fund raiser. She does not have sponsorships or participants lined up, and the cost of event insurance is around $600. She has faith that it will all come together. I have faith that regardless of the outcome, she will have learned some pretty important lessons.
I leave on October 1st for a week long intensive training in Completed Decongestion Therapy/Lymphatic Drainage. Exciting. The Darling Husband and Darling Daughter will have to figure out school, gym, breakfast lunches and transport without me. And the last day I am gone - they have to run a Wild Child Pics booth at a local market. The first one of the year. And I'm not even available for moral support. Phone off from 8:00am-8:00pm except for potty breaks for 9 days. I'm looking forward to it. The family is pretty self sufficient. They make me feel needed, but I think they do that because they love me, not because they can't handle it without me.
2012 Wild Child Pics Calendars are almost here. We picked up the proofs, made a few changes, hopefully will pick them up next week. We take credit cards now - but I'm not quite getting it - it makes people nervous when you swipe their card 5 times for a $12 purchase. So far I have not actually overcharged anyone. The people I have sold to have been quite patient.
On a completely different note, my boss resigned. It was not unexpected, we lost our General Manger a few weeks ago, and I have been surprised everyday that our DCS (Director of Clinical Services) was still there. It is sad, though. This man was the 8th DCS I have worked for at this company in 3 1/2 years, and the first one that I liked instantly. He may very well be one of the best bosses I have ever had - straightforward, caring, firm, clear headed; never petty, personal, or caught up in the crazy. I like our acting Director, and we had a conversation yesterday about some changes she would like to see happen - all of them sound good, but none of them are new ideas - we'll see if she can pull it off.
As in Open Water. As in Open Water Diver. Which on one level, may qualify as an ow! Very excited. fairly nervous. a little scared. Now we have to actually do it. Our first dive is lined up for next weekend, in the gulf, off a boat, in 50-60 ft of water. We are going on the dive charter run by the shop that we took lessons with, so there is the comfort level of familiarity - sort of - the boat is being run by the Clearwater store, and we really only know the Tampa people. The captain seems ultra friendly and "newbie sensitive."
It's all good, and it will be fun. If my ears don't completely freak out on me, and Riki's sinus' don't stop her at 15 ft.
The child is absolutely determined to muscle ahead with her fund raiser. She does not have sponsorships or participants lined up, and the cost of event insurance is around $600. She has faith that it will all come together. I have faith that regardless of the outcome, she will have learned some pretty important lessons.
I leave on October 1st for a week long intensive training in Completed Decongestion Therapy/Lymphatic Drainage. Exciting. The Darling Husband and Darling Daughter will have to figure out school, gym, breakfast lunches and transport without me. And the last day I am gone - they have to run a Wild Child Pics booth at a local market. The first one of the year. And I'm not even available for moral support. Phone off from 8:00am-8:00pm except for potty breaks for 9 days. I'm looking forward to it. The family is pretty self sufficient. They make me feel needed, but I think they do that because they love me, not because they can't handle it without me.
2012 Wild Child Pics Calendars are almost here. We picked up the proofs, made a few changes, hopefully will pick them up next week. We take credit cards now - but I'm not quite getting it - it makes people nervous when you swipe their card 5 times for a $12 purchase. So far I have not actually overcharged anyone. The people I have sold to have been quite patient.
On a completely different note, my boss resigned. It was not unexpected, we lost our General Manger a few weeks ago, and I have been surprised everyday that our DCS (Director of Clinical Services) was still there. It is sad, though. This man was the 8th DCS I have worked for at this company in 3 1/2 years, and the first one that I liked instantly. He may very well be one of the best bosses I have ever had - straightforward, caring, firm, clear headed; never petty, personal, or caught up in the crazy. I like our acting Director, and we had a conversation yesterday about some changes she would like to see happen - all of them sound good, but none of them are new ideas - we'll see if she can pull it off.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Groundless Rant
The one thing I love about blogging is the total freedom to rant on and on about things that I have little to no point of reference on. I can make whatever point I want based purely on conjecture, with no interruptions by annoying little facts, or research, or the opinions of others.
And be completely aware that most opinions are based on emotion, and experience, not fact. And, our experience seem to be factual to us, when they are often misinterpretations of events, based on previously misinterpreted events. It is a vicious cycle. On to the Rant:
WHY are environmental issues divided along party lines? What about conservation could possibly be anti-Republican? How is preserving your resources not a conservative value? I grew up in a staunchly republican home. "Waste not, Want not," was a rule, almost written in blood, except that writing in blood would be wasteful. Living on a farm in the middle of nowhere requires a certain amount of conservation, organic farming, crop rotation, allowing fields to rest, etc. Made fiscal and long term use sense. It wasn't cool, it just was. We have known for my entire life that there isn't a bunch of available oil, that coal resources, and oil reserves will run out. We also know how damaging drilling can be to the environment - not just from a natural beauty sense, but from a ruining our potential food source perspective. We sink billions of dollars into the industry, sometimes completely wasted trying to get more of this stuff out of the ground. We give a lot of lip-service to the possibility of alternative sources, always followed with, "these are great but you can't run an airplane or locomotive on it." Why the hell not?
I am not an expert, and I do not have a multibillion dollar oil company backing me up, but if the same money was available to research and develop renewable sources, we would have them. Money talks, and the power minds of our great nations could probably have us completely running on pig-farts in 10 years if the money was there. Hell - my phone could probably handle all the data NASA needed for our first moon-walk. - Why? because somebody figured out early on that the money was in computers.
So back to my rant. The democrats (love them - they are sort of my adopted family) have zero muscle on this sort of thing, especially when dealing with big oil. The republicans - the party that I grew up in, that confounds me on every turn, pretty much has their head up the proverbial arse on this. So that sort of leaves us. We get what we demand, right? Except the laws of supply and demand don't really apply here. We need to get from point "A" to point "B" and if fossil fuels are what get us there, that's what we use.
and oh - yeah, there is our plastics addiction. Remember glass drawers in refrigerators? Glass thermos bottles? bulk foods in grocery stores? paper wrapped sandwhiches? I'm really not that old, and I remember this stuff.
Something has to be done, but first we have to acknowledge that it is an issue, and not a party issue. I miss Charlie Crist!
And be completely aware that most opinions are based on emotion, and experience, not fact. And, our experience seem to be factual to us, when they are often misinterpretations of events, based on previously misinterpreted events. It is a vicious cycle. On to the Rant:
WHY are environmental issues divided along party lines? What about conservation could possibly be anti-Republican? How is preserving your resources not a conservative value? I grew up in a staunchly republican home. "Waste not, Want not," was a rule, almost written in blood, except that writing in blood would be wasteful. Living on a farm in the middle of nowhere requires a certain amount of conservation, organic farming, crop rotation, allowing fields to rest, etc. Made fiscal and long term use sense. It wasn't cool, it just was. We have known for my entire life that there isn't a bunch of available oil, that coal resources, and oil reserves will run out. We also know how damaging drilling can be to the environment - not just from a natural beauty sense, but from a ruining our potential food source perspective. We sink billions of dollars into the industry, sometimes completely wasted trying to get more of this stuff out of the ground. We give a lot of lip-service to the possibility of alternative sources, always followed with, "these are great but you can't run an airplane or locomotive on it." Why the hell not?
I am not an expert, and I do not have a multibillion dollar oil company backing me up, but if the same money was available to research and develop renewable sources, we would have them. Money talks, and the power minds of our great nations could probably have us completely running on pig-farts in 10 years if the money was there. Hell - my phone could probably handle all the data NASA needed for our first moon-walk. - Why? because somebody figured out early on that the money was in computers.
So back to my rant. The democrats (love them - they are sort of my adopted family) have zero muscle on this sort of thing, especially when dealing with big oil. The republicans - the party that I grew up in, that confounds me on every turn, pretty much has their head up the proverbial arse on this. So that sort of leaves us. We get what we demand, right? Except the laws of supply and demand don't really apply here. We need to get from point "A" to point "B" and if fossil fuels are what get us there, that's what we use.
and oh - yeah, there is our plastics addiction. Remember glass drawers in refrigerators? Glass thermos bottles? bulk foods in grocery stores? paper wrapped sandwhiches? I'm really not that old, and I remember this stuff.
Something has to be done, but first we have to acknowledge that it is an issue, and not a party issue. I miss Charlie Crist!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
The Mermaid Within
He who would search for pearls must dive below.
John Dryden
This is turning into the misadventures of Molly Mud - or some equally horrific account of my ridiculous attempts at - well, whatever. Currently it is all about diving.
I did not drown the beautiful girl in the "buddy breathing and ascent" drill today. This is an improvement over the last attempt, and since this time we were in real water, about 20 feet down, it is definitely a bonus. However, I brought her up so fast that if we had been deeper or down longer, we probably would have gotten bent. She, of course saved me in the classic textbook way. She started her descent at least once without putting her regulator (breathing doo hickey) into her mouth - oops, snorkels do not work underwater, which I proved when I tried to use my snorkel after giving her my regulator in the buddy breathing thing. Seriously, if I am the responsible party, one of us will drown. (not really, Mom, we are getting it)
I did not cramp up. Yay! I managed to control most of the painful parts of pressure equalization, but am still very stuffy and can barely hear out of one ear.
The biggest problem I have is control of my body in the water. I have always prided myself on my good balance. Even flabby and out of shape, I have great core strength and excellent balance. Except for some reason I have no control over my body in the water. Everyone else comes down straight, feet toward the bottom, head toward the surface. And they come up the same way. Not me. Sideways, sitting, twisted, flopping every which direction. I look like those movies of astronauts floating in space, except that I am more flailing than floating. A fish out of water looks positively graceful compared to me.
Some really cool stuff. We were diving at Weeki Wachee, and one of the Mermaids was training, right off the same platform we were learning on. I got to swim with a mermaid! Sort of - she was rather busy, and so were we. Random question - do mermaids pee in their tails? the water is very chilly, just sayin.' There was a very pretty little fish that was quite fascinated by our instructor. Not annoying like a mosquito, but you could totally start slapping at it after awhile. Best part? Watching the girl child play with the bubbles. She was trying to juggle them. I managed to catch one, and let it go, but she was passing them from hand to hand. It made me laugh - which always loosens the seal on my mask and makes me practice clearing - you know, so I don't drown. Guilty secret? Burping into your regulator is hilarious.
We still have our tanks - I'd like to borrow some pool time before we have to bring them back tomorrow. Next adventure is on the 11th. Then we will be official. Go us!
John Dryden
This is turning into the misadventures of Molly Mud - or some equally horrific account of my ridiculous attempts at - well, whatever. Currently it is all about diving.
I did not drown the beautiful girl in the "buddy breathing and ascent" drill today. This is an improvement over the last attempt, and since this time we were in real water, about 20 feet down, it is definitely a bonus. However, I brought her up so fast that if we had been deeper or down longer, we probably would have gotten bent. She, of course saved me in the classic textbook way. She started her descent at least once without putting her regulator (breathing doo hickey) into her mouth - oops, snorkels do not work underwater, which I proved when I tried to use my snorkel after giving her my regulator in the buddy breathing thing. Seriously, if I am the responsible party, one of us will drown. (not really, Mom, we are getting it)
I did not cramp up. Yay! I managed to control most of the painful parts of pressure equalization, but am still very stuffy and can barely hear out of one ear.
The biggest problem I have is control of my body in the water. I have always prided myself on my good balance. Even flabby and out of shape, I have great core strength and excellent balance. Except for some reason I have no control over my body in the water. Everyone else comes down straight, feet toward the bottom, head toward the surface. And they come up the same way. Not me. Sideways, sitting, twisted, flopping every which direction. I look like those movies of astronauts floating in space, except that I am more flailing than floating. A fish out of water looks positively graceful compared to me.
Some really cool stuff. We were diving at Weeki Wachee, and one of the Mermaids was training, right off the same platform we were learning on. I got to swim with a mermaid! Sort of - she was rather busy, and so were we. Random question - do mermaids pee in their tails? the water is very chilly, just sayin.' There was a very pretty little fish that was quite fascinated by our instructor. Not annoying like a mosquito, but you could totally start slapping at it after awhile. Best part? Watching the girl child play with the bubbles. She was trying to juggle them. I managed to catch one, and let it go, but she was passing them from hand to hand. It made me laugh - which always loosens the seal on my mask and makes me practice clearing - you know, so I don't drown. Guilty secret? Burping into your regulator is hilarious.
We still have our tanks - I'd like to borrow some pool time before we have to bring them back tomorrow. Next adventure is on the 11th. Then we will be official. Go us!
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