Fitting in the Friendlies

I compartmentalize my life. Probably not as much as some, but I am acutely aware that I do this, and I typically do it on purpose.  I have a very large circle of friends and acquaintances; people that are different, fun, intriguing. We are told to "be ourselves," that no matter the situation, we should be the "ourselves,' and I believe that.  I am that.  

The thing is, I'm a lot of different people, and my friendships reflect that.  Some of my very closest friends, the people I love most in the world, my "go to" friendships when I am hurt, down, and confused, are not the people I spend most of my time with.  Not that they live far way, or I don't love and want to spend time with them; they just live a different daily path than I do, and those paths seldom cross.  I have friends that I feel very comfortable discussing deeply spiritual aspects of life.  I have friends (conservative and liberal) with whom I have rousing political discussion. I have friends that get the full on bitch about my job on a daily basis (sorry, Alina).  I have friends to whom I brag endlessly about my child - wait, that is everybody, does not really apply to this post.  I have people that I bitch about my ex too, and I have people that know how deeply hurt I am that we were not able to maintain a cohesive parenting relationship for our daughter.  I have friends with whom I discuss medical and political topics deeply and intellectually, and friends that I advise on their personal pain syndromes.  I have friends that I call when I want a fight, and friends that I call when I need someone to knock me over the head.  I have friends that call me when they need help, I have friends that call me when they know that not hearing from me in weeks is a sign of trouble. Friends who I tell to go to their doctor, ask for a steroid injection and try to take it easy.  Friends with the same injury that I advise to have an energy healing session, take calendula and arnica, rest and ice for several days, and let me look at it when the energetic blockage is cleared.  People that see me as personally liberal.  People that know me as politically conservative.  For the record, I consider myself moderate.


Easter is the one time that all of my worlds come together.  The thing is, I am so busy at Easter that I get to observe all of these different people interact, and get to know each other.  And it is fun, and very gratifying to me.  These are people I love, people that would probably never meet or speak if it was not for this one holiday a year when we drag all of our friends to a very casual get together.  I enjoy it because I am not any of those people that my friends are used to interacting with - I'm just the cooker girl at Easter.  Say "hi," Kiss the cook, go mingle.  If you are willing to flip an aebelskever or two, you get to hang in the kitchen a little longer, but otherwise - eat - mingle - get out of my kitchen.

I have recently been thrust into one of those "learning" situations.  For me.  The friends involved are having no dilemma - of course - this is because I surround myself with truly amazing people.  Two of my "besties" have recently become friends.  This is awesome, because time is always a factor for me, and I never feel like I have time to connect with any of my friends.  The thing is, they are, in may ways, on opposite ends of at least one of my spectrums.  One is my best "day-to-day" friend, the kid, life, husband, what's for dinner? come drink wine with me friend.  The other is one of the few people in the world that with whom I am comfortable having a deep and very dark side. Even when we are not talking or interacting with that side of me, I know that I have an accomplice when dealing with my inner demons. In the past I have not spent a lot of time with this friend, and I realize that I don't put out a lot of effort to spend time with her.  The person I share most comfortably with her, is the part of me that I am very uncomfortable airing in public.  So -  awkward.  I am getting more comfortable having the two of them hang out with me, but frankly, I need to find more alone time with both of them, because I don't feel like I am reaping (or contributing) the full benefit of our friendship with either one.  Hence the time thing.  I see them both more than ever, and feel like I am spending less time with each of them.  Easter was the one time of year that I alotted to this juggling act, now I feel like I have balls in the air all of the time. I really need to find time to spend with one of my "smack me up side of the head" friends.     

Enough of my rant.  It is nice to have a dilemma in which all of the pressure is internal - at least I am just chasing my own crazy.