Atlas Shrugged

Not the book by Ayn Rand (excellent book, but for titling purposes, I like the imagery it conjures).
The weight of the world is temporarily lifted from the hero's shoulders.  As the Earth tumbles, crashing and bouncing to the ground, mayhem ensues.

Even what elevates the common good is often not good for anyone right away.  Things that benefit one person, is often not good for anyone.  There is always the mess to clean up.  Right now, after a grueling process, things are temporarily settled with my ex.  The DOR lawyer warned me that I was "rolling over," and allowing myself to be taken advantage of.  Perhaps true - but 3 years of "fighting the good fight" has left me deeply in debt, emotionally bruised, and unable to truly go on with my life.  The bad news is - it is never truly over.  The problem with "temporary" orders is that either party can decide to challenge it any time.  Guess who won't be jumping back into court voluntarily any time soon?  Who wants to make a bet on how soon I get drug into court again?

Florida's information dissemination and book keeping has a serious lag.  I have apparently been getting child support for three months.  No one bothered to tell me.  Kind of a boon.  It is not much support, and has been reduced even further as of yesterday, but after 10 month of nothing (OK, 7 months of nothing, 3 months of secret hidden support that I did not know about), it is nice to -  well - buy the kidlet her school shoes.

Never in a million years could I work in family law.  What kind of monster watches a man break down, while looking at him with little more than contempt?  Oh yeah - ME.  I surprise myself that I care so little.  Your grave - you dug it, have a nice rest.  Family law workers deal with people in their worst possible manifestations.  I am probably a mild monster compared to what they get.  Yet, I cannot bring myself to be at all sympathetic.  I am grateful that I have enough character to not take PLEASURE in his misery.  I do not have insight into the secret laws of Karma - but this turn of events is no surprise to me, and I am pretty confident that I am not screwing up my status in the eyes of god by not rescuing him.  Not that I could rescue him.  Seriously I am but a small portion of the storm he has created.  I have released him from the early issues that started this mess - but it was those very issues that made me unable to feel any empathy now. 

I have hope that yesterday's result will release me from the constant harassment that I have come to expect.  And, I have every intention of enjoying everyday ahead of me.  I am grateful for the amazing family, amazing friends, and fabulous support around me.  And oh - yeah, very, very happy to have a job!