Holiday Happiness

Usually, when I don't have the DG for Christmas, I fall into a somewhat crazed OCD fit of psycho baking and frenzied holiday cheer.  Two years ago I completely stocked our extra refrigerator with cookies.  LOTS of cookies, plus more in the freezer, some in zip-locks spread all over the house.  I knew I was losing it when she pulled me by the hand to the outdoor 'fridge, opened the door and said, "Mom, do we even know this many people?"  I was getting up at odd hours of the night to mix a batch, then baking them before work.  Tried and trusted recipes, new recipes, recipes that no one had heard of.

This year, I won't have her.  for some reason I am OK with that.  I'll do a little baking, it is tradition and all.  We put up the tree early - so she will have time to enjoy it, we have done a few more crafts than usual, but I've created a small number of each item, no compulsive repetitions of decorations that I won't know what to do with when I am done.  Weird - I keep waiting for the crazy to kick in.  

The OCD tendency only rears its head when I am very stressed. It used to be constant - although not severe enough to warrant treatment.  I was casually diagnosed by a psychologist/co-worker just before I started PT school.  She recommended treatment, but not until I got out of school - it is a useful affliction for studying.  For some very odd reason, all of those symptoms disappeared when I became pregnant.  Of course - my daughter shows some serious tendencies toward perfectionism and compulsions - good traits in a student and gymnast, but difficult to deal with at bed-time when she hasn't completed all of her little rituals.

When I am compulsive, it tends to be a huge pay-off for the family, I mean, there are worse ways to demonstrate the crazy than compulsive baking or churning out 37 sock monkeys in two months.

  And this year is so odd.  I should be stressed to the gills, money is tight, the economy is in the crapper.  The ex lost his job, and although that doesn't effect me directly, if he has to move away, or if it takes awhile to find employment, it will take a toll on our darling girl.  Chock it up to the pervasive feeling of hope that swept the country after the election.  Or maybe it's just that holiday spirit seeping in.  Whatever it is, I am relaxed, enjoying my life, my family, and things are good!